Why Does It Still Hurt So Bad..
So i'm sitting here all alone in my basement. Listening to 'The Scientist' and crying. Thinking about how it's almost been a year since he's been gone. I miss him so much. It's not right, it's just not right. I didn't even get to say goodbye. I can understand why he left and I can even forgive him for it but I just wish he'd at least said goodbye. No one says goodbye. Not Ellen, Cole, my grandpa, not even my own sister said goodbye. Just came home and she was gone. I know she's not dead but still it seems like it. Everyone keeps on asking me what I want for my birthday, the only thing I really want is to see my sister again. The best thing would be to see Cole but we all know that's not possible. It's all my fault. I should've stopped him. I should've called, it's all my fault, if I would've called he'd still be here today right now. I feel like a part of me is gone never to return. It's gone missing. And right now i'm a wreck. Seven more days.
posted by Heaven's Paradise at 5:20 PM
1 Comments:
Because God blessed us with feelings and the ability to care - it's what makes us human instead of robots. It's what also allows you to have good, positive feelings toward others, like Ben. You hurt so much because you are such a caring person. Sometimes when doors close, windows open. You have to be willing to see the open window. You, too, will grow and separate from those who have surrounded you. Already, I would guess, someone, somewhere from which you've moved misses you too - forgot or didn't know you were moving or leaving - and they miss you. It's never easy - if it ever was - it would just wouldn't be you. Blaming and punishing yourself for someone's actions won't help, and it certainly isn't making you or anyone else feel better. They chose a permanent solution to a temporary problem - and that can't be changed. You should celebrate the life they had and the time you shared with them. Make a donation to a charity in memory of them each year - maybe $5 or $10. As for your sister - I'm sure you'll see her again - when she has time. God sometimes answers no, sometimes yes - and sometimes not yet - you may just have to wait a little while. Don't give up! Share some of that caring with all your friends that need it - you have lots to give, and everyone wants some!
September 20, 2004 at 4:44 AM
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